Measuring success in the business world can be difficult. All good project managers know that unless specific success criteria are determined at the onset of a project, there will be nothing against which to compare whether or not the project did what it was intended.
So we plan and we create milestones and we identify – in detailed specifics – what a successful implementation will look like. And when the project is over, we look backwards to see if we met our objectives. We note if the project was completed according to plan.
And we label our project a success or a failure. It’s kind of black and white.
It is less so when it comes to our personal life. It doesn’t have to be, at least not completely, but somehow, knowing how we stack up – is so deeply personal, so full of “gremlin-speak,” so obstructed by cultural norms – that we may never know how well we truly are doing.
Case in point. A couple weeks ago, I wrote about a vision board I had created a couple years ago. I even went so far as to say that none of the items represented on my board had come true.
Basically I said I was a failure. Not in so many words, perhaps, but I judged myself harshly. And then I talked about plans and objectives, breaking down goals into smaller tasks so that they could easily be scheduled and done. Just like in business. Which is still a worthwhile practice, for reasons we’ll get to in a bit.
Sometime after publishing the piece, my friend Amy sent me an email with the subject line “I Disagree With You.” That got my attention! Here’s what she said:
Just a quick note to say I disagree with your post regarding the collage you made – you HAVE accomplished stuff that’s on your collage. You have a new and active website. You’ve joined groups and been in the conversation. You finished your e-course, made a video, and do artwork on a regular basis. You’ve accomplished quite a bit, actually.
And then the kicker.
Do you recognize this about yourself?
The truth was that I had not. At all. I sent her an email thanking her and ended it with “but I want so much MORE!”
Sometimes we get so caught up in the doing and the wanting that we forget to stop and really look at what we’ve accomplished. It took a few days for the reality of what my friend said to really sink in. And it was then that I realized that she was right. I had actually accomplished a lot.
The Soft and Hard Approach to Measuring
First, the hard approach. I don’t mean hard as in “difficult,” by the way, but hard as in “concrete.” Let’s get back to objectives. Your objectives are the things you want to make happen. They need to be specific and measurable. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, but you’d be surprised how often this is overlooked.
Here’s an example. Say your goal is to “get fit” this year. What does that really mean? How will you know if you’ve succeeded? It’s better if you write down a few bullet points such as:
- Lose 20 pounds by April 15
- Run two 5K runs by May 30
- Climb Mt. Rainier next summer
Now you have something you can actually measure! My inability to see my own success was due to the fact that I had not decided ahead of time what success would look like in any kind of measurable detail. I had pictures but not much more. It took someone who knew me well and who had listened to my dreams to hold up the yard stick for me.
Which brings us to the soft approach. Sometimes you need someone else to tell you that you are succeeding.
This “someone else” needs to be a good friend - someone who sees you honestly, is not afraid to give honest feedback (you have to trust them after all!), and who has your best interest at heart. No sycophants and no Debbie Downers. You want the real deal.
A real friend will always see the positive things that you have been taught are too conceited to see about yourself. And they will tell you about them in technicolor detail. When you say “but I want MORE,” they will tell you “Of course you do, but don’t forget to look at what you’ve done.”
So when you are striving and reaching, it helps to stop, track your progress against your measurable objectives and then call in a friend to help you see those things you cannot.
